The 6 best ways to deal with persons with toxic/selfish behaviours

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Dealing with people with toxic behaviors can be stressful and if care is not taken you can end up being like them yourself, or WORSE! It’s true and very important to know that these negative people may be going through difficult times in their own personal lives. Some may be suffering from depression, anxiety, lack of attention and care, having no sense of love and affection, having no emotional support or a shoulder to cry on in times of pain, sometimes living a life of lonliness. It’s not that easy, though, to look beyond their negative attitude and notice what is really going on inside but such people need to be giving a listening ear, attention, support and care they need. No matter the case, you still need to protect yourself from such.

But the truth is your efforts will be of a total waste if they don’t realize that they need your help. This is because there is another type of moody, ill behaved bully, who will use his or her mood swings to intimidate and manipulate you. A close observation will bring you to the one single truth that these people are self-centered and selfish. This is the kind of ill-natured persons that i’ll be looking at in this article.

I believe strongly that toxic mood swings should not be inflicted on one person by another, no matter the situation. So how do I deal with them? Well lets get on with these 6 steps, shall we:

1. Stop acting as if their toxic behavior is OK:

Don’t be fooled. Toxic people don’t change if they are being rewarded for not changing. So why act as though everything is ok? It will not change the situation. Guess who goes to bed at the end of the day with all the stress and trauma? You! Toxic people can use their moody behavior to get selfish treatment, of which they will get because you just want to get rid of them. Well, this will rather be temporal and not permanent. Decide this minute not to be influenced by their behavior. Stop acting as though their behavior is just cool.

It’s a clear sign to let go of someone over the age of 18 if he or she can’t be a reasonable, reliable adult on a regular basis.Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with…

2.  Speak up!:

People tend to keep their mouth shut until one person man’s up to speak. Do not accept this behavior. Most people with toxic behaviors know they’re doing the wrong thing and will back down quickly and surprisingly when confronted. Some people will do anything for their own personal gain at the expense of others, bully and intimidate, pass guilt, always make you look wrong and never accept right, take without asking, the list goes on. Don’t accept this behavior. SPEAK UP!

Some toxic people may use anger as a tool to frighten you just to get what they want. Their appearance or the sound of their voice puts that fear in you, breaking down your level of boldness to confront them. If ever you dare to speak up and respond adversely to their moody behavior, they may be surprised, or even outraged, that you’ve trespassed onto their behavioral territory.  But you must speak up anyway.

Even if they say: “What do you mean?” and deny it, at least you’ve made them aware that their attitude has become a known issue to someone else, rather than just a personal tool they can use to manipulate others whenever they want.

A refusal to reveal someone’s toxic behavior can become the principal reason for being sucked into their mind games.  Challenging this kind of behavior upfront, on the other hand, will sometimes get them to realize the negative impact of their behavior.  For instance, you might say:

  • “I’ve noticed you seem angry.  Is something upsetting you?”
  • “I think you look bored.  Do you think what I’m saying is unimportant?”
  • “Your attitude is upsetting me right now.  Is this what you want?”

Direct statements like these can be disarming. If they truly use their moody attitude as a means of social manipulation, then these statements can also open a door of opportunity for you to try to help them if they are genuinely facing a serious problem.

And if they persist in denial, it might be time to SPEAK UP!

3.  Put your foot down:

Taking this step is a sure way of protecting your dignity. Your dignity may be attacked, ravaged and disgracefully mocked, but it can never be taken away unless you willingly surrender it.

Truly toxic people will pollute everyone around them, including you if you allow them.  If you’ve tried reasoning with them and they aren’t budging, don’t hesitate to vacate their space and ignore them until they do.

Demonstrate that you won’t be insulted or belittled.  To be honest, I’ve never had much luck trying to call truly toxic people (the worst of the worst) out when they’ve continuously insulted me.  The best response I’ve received is a snarky, “I’m sorry you took what I said so personally.”  Much more effective has been ending conversations with sickening sweetness or just plain abruptness.  The message is clear:  There is no reward for subtle digs and no games will be played at your end.

4. Don’t take their toxic behavior personally:

You’re not the only one that toxic people behave negatively too. Taking it personally makes you feel insecure as if something is really wrong with you. Well no one in this world is perfect but that doesn’t mean that you’re so wrong that it always trigger’s their negative attitude when they are around.

Toxic people will likely try to imply that somehow you’ve done something wrong.  And because the “feeling guilty” button is quite large on many of us, even the implication that we might have done something wrong can hurt our confidence and unsettle our resolve.  Don’t let this happen to you.

Remember, there is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.  Most toxic people behave negatively not just to you, but to everyone they interact with.  Even when the situation seems personal – even if you feel directly insulted – it usually has nothing to do with you.  What they say and do, and the opinions they have, are based entirely on their own self-reflection.

It’s them, not you. Always keep this in mind…

5. Find time for yourself:

You deserve that free time. Quiet, peaceful, free from the usual external pressure and toxic behavior, maybe a vacation. No Fear of a toxic person being around, or characters to put with. Sometimes you need to make time for yourself, away from the busy world you live in that doesn’t make time for you.

If you are forced to live or work with a toxic person, then make sure you get enough alone time to relax, rest, and recuperate.  Having to play the role of a “focused, rational adult” in the face of toxic moodiness can be exhausting, and if you’re not careful, the toxicity can infect you.  Again, understand that even people with legitimate problems and clinical illnesses can still comprehend that you have needs as well, which means you can politely excuse yourself when you need to.

6. Practice practical compassion:

Sometimes it makes sense to be sympathetic with toxic people whom you know are going through a difficult time, or those who are suffering from an illness.  There’s no question about it, some toxic people are genuinely distressed, depressed, or even mentally and physically ill, but you still need to separate their legitimate issues from how they behave toward you.  If you let people get away with anything because they are distressed, facing a medical condition, or depressed, even, then you are making it too tempting for them to start unconsciously using their unfortunate circumstance as a means to an end.

Several years ago, I volunteered at a psychiatric hospital for children.  I mentored a boy there named Dennis, a diagnosed Bipolar disorder patient.  Dennis was a handful sometimes, and would often shout obscenities at others when he experienced one of his episodes.  But no one ever challenged his outbursts, and neither had I up to this point.  After all, he’s clinically “crazy” and can’t help it, right?

The lesson here is that you can’t “help” someone by making unwarranted pardons for everything they do simply because they have problems.  There are plenty of people who are going through extreme hardships who are not toxic to everyone around them.  We can only act with genuine compassion when we set boundaries.  Making too many pardons and allowances is not healthy or practical for anyone in the long-term.

With all being said; Let me hear from and some of the challenges you have with toxic people. Lets help build our experiences to create more solutions and ways to deal with them.

 

 

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